yoga is my favorite kind...

i have officially lost control of my entire being. my mind has gone crazy. my emotions are yoyo-ing nonstop. and my body is out of whack. why do i say this? let me get you inside my head for a day here a TT.

monday morning - june 4 - woke up at 8:00. neither alarms went off and we overslept. class was at 8:30. i grumpily got out of bed - feeling miserable. hurried myself into yoga gear while brushing my teeth and filling up my water bottle (i have become quite the multi-tasker with this whole time management theme here). i headed down to class - found my spot next to mama paula and settled in for yet another moody monday on the mat. i was annoyed all class. i did every posture but god everything in me wanted to do the complete opposite of what my body was doing. my body was achy. my body was stiff. my body was OLD. my heart was heavy. this dark state of mind continued well into the rest of the day. everything and everyone was annoying me. thank god during lecture i had chuck from chicago sitting next to me - good ol chuck :) always lifting my spirits. i think i felt clear headed and calm for about an hour. apparently that was long enough...

out of nowhere. tears were rolling down my face. again. just like that. i wanted to go home. i was so annoyed being in lecture. i was OVER IT. this information was useless. i was logging onto facebook. browsing online for grad dresses. texting and arguing with mike. over nothing but i was looking to get mad at SOMETHING or SOMEONE. and unfortunately - he gets all my craziness dumped on him (i'm very lucky he puts up with it). i was doing everything but focusing. and that attitude continued all the way to my evening class. got onto my mat again for the second time. my friend bianca told me not to be surprised if she just lied down through the entire class. she must have read my own game plan for the class. and then i started crying again. what the heck? that was it - i was going to be miserable all class and lie down and take it easy and refuse to push myself. well - someone up above knew i needed an attitude adjustment and i got it in the sweetest way. the teacher opened her mouth to begin class and her voice was so soothing i just closed my eyes through the entire breathing exercise and by the end of pranayama - my eyes were tear free and my heart was open and ready to receive the blessing of this beautiful practice.

the entire class i felt like i was being sung a lullaby by my mother. this woman's voice was so beautiful and peaceful. she brought me back to life from whatever hell i had thrown myself into this morning. my body was open. my body was limber. my body was strong. every posture i went deeper because i was calmer. i took the time to surrender in each pose. i love how every class is different. every time. i never feel the same in any one posture. there is a method to this yoga. it is sequential for a reason. it is a slow medicine. but oh my - is it ever the strongest medicine i have ever taken. i will overdose on it for the rest of my life.

even if it means i get a little crazy from time to time

xx

sidenote - i had finished this post before heading downstairs for our night with binky. 

just want to remember four things that made me happy ce soir

one: mishons music. always setting the mood for us. listen to epoca - gotan project.

two: binky himself. i love my guru.

three: sitting with all my girlies in the same row together.

four: bollywood movie night made a comeback- krish :)

"shit happen. one day constipation. one day diarrhea. you know" BC

Captured: WEEK SIX

Captured: WEEK FIVE

feed your body. feed your brain. feed your soul. feed your life.

im going to be honest. i've slightly stopped caring about the blog updates. GASP.

i mean - i have moments where i tell myself "share this" or "post this"  after a class or lecture. but then the free time comes around and i use it up so quickly and much more productively than lying here writing about it. it's all in my head and at the end of the days i believe that's enough. but now its sunday and i've already forgotten certain moments and how they made me feel! and since we are almost through dialogue and done with anatomy - i have the chance to have a normal - lazy - unproductive sunday night. what will that involve? television - pizza - laundry - and blogging :)

another week come and gone too quick. this is all coming to an end much too quickly. i miss parts of my life back in the "real world" but i'm loving life in the bubble. the friends i've made and the teachers i've learned from. the moments we've shared and the places we've seen. the sunshine and the cold nights. the shopping and the beaches. even the bollywood movies and bikram stories. and can't forget the torture chamber and the posture clinics. every. little. thing. i'll never have all this back again. so please slow it all downnnnnnn. (but hurry up so i can return home to loved ones)

things i've started missing this week (in no particular order)

champagne

montreal bagels and cream cheese

my apartment

what did i learn about in week 6? FASCIA baby - FASCIA. everything revolves around the FASCIA. haha. this will only be funny to people here in the bubble. but jon burras (yoga therapist) talked the FASCIA to death during his two day lecture with us. however - he opened our eyes to so much truth. i finally learned (in depth) about the seven chakras and the three columns of energy rotation and running through our bodies. i loved that part of his talk. i took so many random notes and scribbles - too many to share. actually never mind - looking over them - there's a few i feel the need to post.

belief challenges

how you see the world in your window of perception is how you create your world. 

science is only one window of perception.

the chakras are not physical but they affect the physical. sacred centers of consciousness.

 the language of sport has become the language of war.

emotion is energy in motion.

emotional release vs emotional indulgence. dump your buckets daily.

you don't have to let it out to the world to get it out.

live a life where relaxation is NORMAL. 

if you continue to follow the same model. you will get the same results. CHANGE YOUR MODEL.

 when you stop wanting - you start dying.

there are classes you take you wish would never end. friday night was just that. we were taught by our favorite staff member - balwan. the most lovable and kind person you will ever meet. you should have heart the cheering and clapping for him when heading towards the podium. i grabbed my mat and ran down my line to get closer to him. i wanted to feel his smile for the next 90 minutes. god he was amazing. such a genuine class - this was camel pose "look up and back at the stars. this is what it feels like to fall in love. you are falling in love with yourself."

some posture changes (that i have forgotten to write about)

week three i touched my fingers to my toes in triangle pose for the first time. this was during emmy's triangle pose clinic. i now fall out of triangle every time (thanx emmy). but i get back in and touch the toes again and again. i now touch my forehead to a locked knee in standing separate leg head to knee pose (but this never happens in the morning classes). in standing bow i can almost see my shoulder coming over the top of my head in the mirror - leg is still not anywhere near straight though? this posture is my nemesis. i'm jumpin into a headstand after every class - months ago my friend wes had to help me up and hold me there - now my legs lift up easy and stay still forever. splits are getting better and better - my goal? get the crotch to the floor.

this yoga bubble is my sacred place. my mat is my sanctuary. this journey of exploration and transformation is expanding my mind and opening my heart. 

hmm think im back to loving the blog again....

-xx-

60 > 40

over a month away from home. 60 classes done. sushi celebration last night with my girl erin from san fran :)

i never promised you a rose garden

back from get wet 62 in bikrams torture chamber. 

another two hour class with the boss. i think it was almost as hard as last fridays class. i never got around to posting about that one because he literally dragged us through hell and back and we were left with hardly any time before our posture clinic that night (the one i cried about). but in any case - this was class 10 of week 5 = > 

130ºF. 

45% humidity. 

600+ bodies. 

  1 room. 

2.5 hours. 

26 postures. 

countless stories.

and

bikram choudhury. 

-who else gets this experience?-

this past monday i complained because i started the week off cold and dry in my morning class. i had wanted to kick start week 6 the way we ended week 5. i wanted to SWEAT. and feel like i was dying. this is bikram hot yoga. we come to kill ourselves for 90 minutes - and experience the beautiful rose garden at the end of it all. i swear - i think bikram yogis are masochists deep down. well - be careful what you wish for because i got exactly what i wanted and more. tons and tons of sweat. and no water. there seems to be trend that when the boss keeps us in class for longer than necessary -water and ice run out that much faster. 

tonight chuck and i decided to switch things up and plant ourselves directly in front of the boss. front and center. actually - chuck went first - and i was feeling really low before class wanting to be lazy and coast through - and in one moment i grabbed my mat and followed him. i decided to put myself in the danger zone because i would have no choice but to rock this class. no excuses. and it worked. i stretched and kicked myself to the point where i thought i might pass out. it felt so good. there was definitely more heat pumping into the center of his torture chamber than anywhere else i've been before. i loved it and hated it at the same time. bikram is all love and hate for me. but the love outweighs the hate every time. i survived class tonight with the help of my friends - ada john and chuck - thank you lovely yogis for holding my hand - giving me encouraging words - and sharing your holy water with me :)

now im off to nap because the boss is back and i know i wont see sleep till late hours tonight.... xo

 

 

we are all dreamers

once in awhile you get a teacher that reminds you to DREAM. and dream BIG.

this morning that teacher was tricia donegan from the lower east side studio in new york city. good things come in small packages but fabulous things come from tiny yoga bodies. miss donegan was a little firecracker lighting us up one by one. did i mention she teachers lady gaga? how cool is that.

"have a dream bigger than yourself. we will help you get it"

"if you have a dream. kick up. if you have a dream. stretch forward. if you have a dream. reach for it" 

"you can do it. you ARE doing it"

if ever you're in the area - i urge you to spend 90 minutes of your life at LES

http://www.bikramyogales.com/staff/yoga-teacher-tricia-donegan/